Stop Ahead

I've been driving around with the life-size bust of myself, cast in plaster, that I made in Sculpture I in the passenger seat of my car. The base has to hang off the front of the seat, so the head is facing upwards, just staring at the roof of the car with its blank, plastery eyes. It is fairly unstable and I have to reach over and keep it from joggling around too much when I turn corners, come to a stop, or generally move at all - which is most of the time in a car. It is very unnerving to be driving around with a likeness of yourself, sort of a Driving Miss Daisy where I play both parts, or chaperoning a mute younger self.

Graduation is tomorrow, I got my Alpha Rho Tau cords today and I'll pick up my honor stole tomorrow. I am graduating Magna Cum Laude as a double major, with Departmental Honors in both. I spent 9 1/2 hours working on the yearbook today, and the literary journal I designed came out last week. I assisted in the gallery for two years, co-managed for a year, and ran my crew alone for a fourth. I've been president of an honorary, a club and on the board of a third. I was in two shows with the theater program and directed a student production of 12th Night. I wrote a 45 page thesis about a subject I still enjoy thinking about. If it's not clear from this listing: I have worked tremendously hard over the last few years here.

I find myself wondering, however, what this will translate to "on the outside." I've been applying for jobs, but it is like shouting into the void. My sculpture professor, among others, assures me that I am "employable" and I know I have a very strong skill set and a good work ethic, but I don't know if I am presenting myself correctly, or what my chances are in such a difficult job market. I am very tired today, and so I am wondering if all the work has been worth it. But, if I have learned anything here it is that some things are worth doing for their own sake. I believe my time here, my efforts, will be worth my time and my parent's investment even if I never put my education to any use. Though that is unlikely.

The last week has been really good, I took my last final, created and turned in my portfolio, experienced some successful gift-giving (really, so good!), spent some (not nearly enough time) with my dearest friends, had biscuits and gravy twice (yes, I know, but I had to eat what was in the cupboard), watched High Fidelity with my lovely roommate while we pretended to start packing up our apartment, and had a good long walk/chat with a friend.

I'm not ready to leave.

I want to leave.