and tearful at the falling of a star

I shouldn't listen to Joni Mitchell...

Anyway...today was interesting.  In a warm, uncomfortable, angry-ghosts-from-the-past sort of way.  We took a friend of ours to the fair and had a nice time, but ran into some people I haven't had to deal with for a while.  They were part of the volcano/tornado/earthquake/general misery of my freshman and sophomore years of high school, and I could have done without the reminder of their existence.  As ever, they had perfect timing to do the most damage. I've been feeling a bit low the last couple of days, and here are the people that caused the loneliest part of my life...gee, thanks.  But the encounter got me thinking about the difference between my life here at home and my life at school.  

Here at home I am fairly (read: very) insulated, I have lovely friends (both old and new) and get to see them on the weekends, but that's about it.  Besides the rehearsals I had periodically, that is how it has always been at home.  Being here now is like being back in high school, but with less math.  Home is comfortable, my 'rents and I get along very well, and I get to see my grandmother and cousins and such.  But it is almost too comfortable.  There is not much stimulation, and on a day to day basis I spend a lot of time at home by myself just trying to keep busy somehow.  While I'm getting a lot of reading done and am trying to stay creative, it is too easy to let the tired ol' brain turn to mush - there is nothing forcing me to do anything else. 

 

At school, there are people everywhere.  Privacy is nil and the coursework never ends.  Somehow, though, despite the aggravations and sleep deprivation I would rather be there.  I don't have a community here, the one I had exploded several years ago and now has no center.  School has enough structure (too much sometimes :o) that my scheduling/organization self is happy and enough wonderful, crazy, intelligent people that I actually have a social life. What an amazing concept.   

School is possibility, home is the known.  Both have merit, but right now I am through with the known.  

I don't mean to whine, and I'm only home for another month and a half or so, but this is not fun.   

Tomorrow should be better tho :o)